My Love...My Sunshine...My Coffee...My Everything

A meaningful event that has happened in my adulthood was becoming a mother to this awesome little girl…though she is not my biological daughter blood couldn’t make us any closer. A while back I was talking to one of my closest friends and he was telling me about a situation that occurred with the mother of his child. Long story short her mother walked out of her life after we talked for days about this situation he asked me the biggest most heartfelt question ever, he asked me would I take one of the led role in his daughter life as her mother. That point on she has been like my shadow, my motivation, and my coffee in the morning. Everything I do now I do it for her, I’m so afraid to fail in things because I’ll feel like I would let her down, I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she wasn’t good enough for her biological mother to stay around because she’s such an awesome kid. I want her to be proud of me and know that I love her as if she was my own. Before her dad asked me to be such an important role in her life I was like I never ever want kids at all, I still don’t plan on having kids at all but if I do I would be upset at all simply because if this little girl can melt my heart away I can only imagine what another baby can do. Since she has came into my life I have grew up so much and making better decisions though I’m still struggling with time management everything else is fine. When I feel like giving up I just have to think of her smile and use that as fuel to get me back on track. I’m so honored that her dad asked me to be the mother of his child, we might not be together much less the perfect adults to raise a child but I think if we can put our heads together we can figure it out…this experience is different from majority of my adult encounters because never in my life have I thought I would be a mother to a child much less to a child that’s not mine and then not even be upset about it, I must admit I was scared as ever because I didn’t know the first step of being a mother but after talking to family members and using what they told me as a guide I think I’ve did pretty okay this far. Now that she has been in my life the worse thing that could happen to me is if something was to happen to her or if somebody takes her away from me. I don’t know what I would do without this little girl and I don’t plan on finding out. One of the most important lessons this experience has taught me and is still teaching me is you don’t know how much of a difference one person can make in your life and how much of a difference you can make I theirs if you don’t just try. I’m glad God put her in my life and I hope I make her proud one day.  

Save the TURTLES!!!

For my research paper I plan to write about the light pollution and how it affects sea turtles. I plan to talk about how this problem came about and how we as a community can fix it. Sea turtles are endangered because the way the society is getting developed people are not aware of how much a building with lights on the seawall can affect the sea turtles. This is a problem because when buildings are built with lights and the sea turtles are hatching, sea turtles uses the light to guide them towards the ocean so that they can live, but because the buildings on the seawall have bright lights as well the turtles follow that light instead of the moon which guides them off course and once they head towards the buildings they are putting their self in even more danger because they are prong to predators, dehydration and short lives. I hope by the end of my paper it makes people want to get up and go out and help save the sea turtles and hope people act on the buildings. I believe that if the buildings would use a light that didn’t shine on the beach but shined towards the building itself I believe that would help a lot and if in the summer or whenever hatching season is people would volunteer to go out to the beaches and help guide the sea turtles to the ocean so that they can live and wont end up as prey for a crab or die of dehydration due to the fact that they haven’t made it to the water in time.  Though sea turtles have nothing to do with the human race it self that creature was created for a reason though we do not know the reason we still should help save this defenseless animal. I believe that even though we not obligated to save this animal that we should anyways due to the fact that we can help them so much and that in the next couple of decades we are not saying “save the sea turtles”  because we’ve done so much now that there’s enough of the to populate over time. I think it would be an easy task simply because if the buildings can just change the way their lights shine and people can go to the beaches and help guide the turtles.

Could it be or could it not be??

Brest cancer is one of the leading causes to female death around the world. Nobody is 100% sure what the causes this cancer to come about yet, but I hope in the near future they can figure it out so we can have a cure and so ladies don’t continue to die to this diseases. By watching the city dark video it taught me something new that I would have not thought about, could it be that they ladies that work shift work are at a higher risk of having breast cancer? Is it the lack of melatonin that body doesn’t get from the sun because they work at night so they are more exposed to artificial light? Watching this video had me asking many of questions because my mom use to work night shifts all the time, she does not have breast cancer at least we are unaware of if but could this be the cause of other things that has come about to her health? Another thing the video “The City Dark” left me asking was if people are coming to believe that the shift night could be a cause of breast cancer why don’t they change the times of the shift that way the shift workers get some type of sunlight like 6am-6pm for the day shift and 6pm-6am for the night shift workers that way both sides of the shift workers get some type of sunlight other than the artificial light. Something about the video I did like is that the video should use a graph of how the sun verses the light affect our melatonin; it showed when we are in the sun our body uses the sun for the melatonin so we don’t have to produce it our self and when the night time is present our melatonin levels grows higher, well because the night shift workers don’t get sun exposures their melatonin level stay high because the body don’t know the difference when they are at work they in the light when they are home they are in the sun light that goes through their house so their body is completely up. So I hope they come up with a better system for the shift workers. Another thing that was pretty cool yet disturbing was they tested the rat this breast cancer and use the blood they collected from volunteers that was exposed to sunlight and that was not espoused to the light, and oddly enough the blood from the people that was exposed to the sunlight made the breast cancer spread slower verse the blood that had no sunlight which in this test spread faster.  I love what George Brainard, neurologist at the University of Pennsylvania, said, “If light exposure at night is a risk factor for a woman to develop breast cancer or for a man to develop prostate cancer, if that’s true, the we really need to know how much light and what quality of light and often and at what time of night is it most problematic.” (qtd. In City Dark).

One Thing Can Change so Much

In the documentary film “City Dark” the Director of the film shows the viewer how the light impact us as a whole…In the film Ian Cheney did a segment about Sea Turtles, in the summer in Florida on the beaches the baby sea turtle eggs hatch and suppose to use the Moon to guide them to the ocean so they can live because if they do not make it to the ocean in time they can become a meal for a crab or they can become dehydrated and die. Along the beaches the nature protector person walks along the beaches as the turtle get ready to hatch and try to guide them the correct way, the reason why the turtles get off course it simply because the buildings that is now on the side of the beaches have really bright lights and so the turtles get confused with those light and the moon and if the turtle follows the building light it would be putting itself in harm’s way even though it does not know it. In my opinion the buildings on the beach should not have lights on the back of them that way the turtles will not get confused or the State of Florida needs to build a wall that is tall enough to block out the extra light on the beach but is low enough so people can enjoy “the perfect view” I believe that will help out a lot. But until then I think the nature protector person should continue on saving the sea turtles and that in the summer they should have a camp for little kids to learn about the ocean wild life and that at night during the summer they should go out and save the sea turtles by having little flash lights and steering them in the right way.

Another thing in the documentary was when we lose the night sky we lose so much more. I agree with that simply because now that I look at it when I’m in downtown Houston I cannot see much of the sky I mainly concentrate on the buildings because it’s so bright, don’t get me wrong Houston is really beautiful at night but then when I compare it to night in west Texas and how beautiful the sky was and how peace I felt under the bright sky’s in a sense I did lose something, I feel like I lost my peace. To be when all I see is tall buildings highways and freeways all over the place it makes me feel over whelmed and tension verses when I look around and I see trees, a river, and the clear sky I feel at peace with myself and kind of like a reboot almost. People do not really realize how the night sky really can change just by you driving away from the city lights, and at time they take it for granted but I know now I will not take a beautiful night sky to lightly anymore.

The Late Night Beauty

Before Spring break my teacher told us to think of a time that we had a personal experience with the sky or if we have not had an experience to watch the sky over spring break and blog about the experience. Well for spring break I did not really get out much because I had to work and when I was on my way home there was not any star for me to count due to all the lights I was under and by the time I made it home it was dusty and foggy so I really did not get to see much. Well this previous weekend that past was my little girl birthday along with my cousin’s. Well Saturday Morning I woke up extremely early and wondered if I could see any stars outside…well I looked and because I have a big tree in the front of my window I could only see a few (15 tops) so I went back to sleep. Well after all the running around and stuff for her birthday party I went home and waited for the sun to set to see if I would have been able to see some come out early…well I did not I mainly only seen clouds and the moon that was starting to shine brighter….

Well later on that night on my way out I had to stop at a WHATABURGER because my car started to mess up so while I was waiting I decided to count the starts I did see….it might not have been many (25 tops) but it was more than I seen earlier that morning…While I was sitting there I kept thinking about the video my teacher showed us in class about how the city lights take away our ability to see the sky and the stars and everything else that’s up there. And I could not help but to wonder do the people around me wonder the same thing or are they to wrapped up in there everyday lives to simply take a moment to look up and just wonder is this all we are limited to and are we missing something.

  Well few hours later after my cousin party my family and I was driving back to Baytown from Beaumont and as we were driving I was looking out the window and there was just this BEAUTIFUL view outside (between Beaumont and Winnie) where I saw LITERALLY hundreds of stars just twinkling away…I liked that part of the drive the most because I’ve always loved the sky and just looking at it but I mainly did it during the day and out of all the times I went to Beaumont at night I never actually looked out the window and saw how beautiful it really is like it’s beautiful during the day but in my opinion it was even better that night because of how it look that night I just wanted to  lay down under the sky and count them all…I knew I was not going to be able to do that so I counted as many as I could (I think I counted some of them twice).

But once I made it home I went in the front yard and looked up at the sky …I did not get to see as many as I did on the way there because the big street light was hindering me from it…and for that second I started thinking about the video once more and realized everything Mr. Ian Cheney documented about was correct. And that you truly do not know how much you can miss til it’s gone. That was my night time experience that I will never forget and that I will always try to make more of.

To not have Control is Control

At times we think we have control over everything around us and at times we know that we cannot control everything. Is it because we know that we cannot control everything that our human nature try’s to anyways? Or is it just us not wanting to face reality of know there is nothing in this world we can control over all.

In Donnna Masini poem “Slowly” there is a hungry snake and a rabbit, the rabbit is put into the glass case with the snake. Other than fighting for its life it just sits there calm and stiff and just let the snake prey over it. Once the snake is ready it just bites into the rabbit neck and swallow it whole. The rabbit still did not move as it seen its fate coming right before its eyes.

In my perspective I believed the rabbit knew it could not do anything to get out the cage and whether it fought for its life or not the snake would have won. So it decided not to fight because its fate was already chosen for it. I believe this poem shows us that we do not always have control over what happen to us. Depending on what the circumstances are, sometimes we know that so we choose not to fight it we just accept it.

In Thomas Lux poem “To help a money cross the river” there is a monkey that has to cross a river to get some food so it can continue on living, there is a person that is in a tree (or on higher ground) that see the monkey…along with two animals that is preying on the monkey. But, the monkey does not see the two predators so it does not know that it is in danger. As the monkey starts to cross the river the person on higher ground keep watch to make sure the monkey is safe from all predators. When he sees the predators getting ready to approach the monkey he shoots behind the monkey so it can move faster across the bank. The monkey did not know that it was in danger, not by the person that we shooting behind it but in danger because it had predators ready to eat it.

In my opinion this poem is saying we do not always know what is going to happen because we are not always aware of what’s around up so that means we don’t have control over things. The monkey did not see its predators, so it did not have any fear, but because someone was looking out for the monkey it lived giving it another moment in time.

These two poems are similar because they teach the same thing; we do not have control over everything we do. In certain situations we do not know what is around us so we choose to make a decision because it is in our nature and if something out of the ordinary happens we tend to fight or make a change because we know there is a possible better outcome. Whereas, with other situations when we know it will not get any better we just take it as it is and let whatever happen happens. Which shows we do not have any control over what happens.

The Great Escape.

The world is not like the fairytales I would read about. There are people that is mean, that will trick you, and that think because you are a little kid you do not understand what Is going around you. That is not always true. In the book “Stitches: A memoir” the character David finds comfort in drifting off into a fantasy world, like Alice adventures in Wonderland, just so he can get away from the things that was going on in the house. Another Outlet he had was when he would draw pictures of characters and just use his imagination so that the characters would come to life; it showed that he was not trapped in his surroundings.

I can relate to David because how I was raise, when you are a kid you do not have a say so in anything. When an adult tell you to do something you do it, you do not talk back, and because you are a little kid your outlook or point of view is not welcome unless it was asked for (Often never happened). So because I had those boundaries I did like I was suppose to when I was around adults but when I wanted to “get away” from reality I just turned on my radio and listened to music.

Music was my outlet as a child and still is to this day. When I was younger I would get my mama’s headphones plug them into my CD player, lay down, close my eyes, and let the music take me away. Because I was a child and people (adults) really did not listen to me I would turn up my music so loud and as my thoughts started to come about I would think of all the things I wanted to say whether they where good or bad and how I thought I would have said it if I was an adult; whether I would yell it, say it calmly or however I wanted.

Over the years because I was brought up like that, that mind set has been instilled in me. Even though I am an adult now, when it comes to people that are much older than me I still do not talk back nor voice me opinion unless it was asked for. I know because I am adult I can voice my opinion on certain situation because I can understand more (Even though I understood most things as a child as well) and people expect me to have a better understanding on things, but I choose not to because at some points I feel that what I say may come off the wrong way and I do not want to seem disrespectful.

So I would not end up being disrespectful I hold in MOST of my thoughts that I wanted to say, and walk away. Once I get to the place where I can exhale my thoughts, I make sure I have my headphones, my phone or computer nearby, and a lay down, and let my mind let out all the frustration, annoyance, and irritation that I had built up.

Music is my Outlet because as you see it helps me relax, get the “bad” thoughts out of my head, and allow me to express my thoughts even though I am not speaking verbally. The best part about music is there are so many different styles so there will always be a song that matches your mood at that specific time.

Music is still my outlet. I am not the neither disrespectful nor ignorant type adult that says the first thing that comes to mind, I think before I speak and chances is if it is not something nice I will not saying it at that point I will just wait til I come in my room and turn the music up LOUD and let the music say everything I wanted to say.

It was the August of 1996 when I first started at “Head Start” I was like any other kid, scared to enter this new environment where I did not know anyone in the classroom with me, and because I knew eventually my mom and nanny was going to leave me. Even though I knew I would be in a class where I did not know anybody I still became the big girl I was I went in the classroom while my nanny held on to my hand. So once we entered and looked around the room I let go of my nanny hand and walked to the table that had a box with paint in it and started playing. Before I knew it I became comfortable in this new environment and did not even notice my mama and nanny was gone, I refused to panic because I knew my mama would not leave me in a unsafe place and I also found comfort in knowing my cousin was in the room next to me. Once all my classmates was in the classroom my teacher told us to find our name that was taped down on the name plate on the floor and sit “criss-cross-apple-sauce-with-our-hands-in-our-lap” we all listened and so once we found our name we sat there, then we went around the rectangle saying our name and who our best friend was, once we did that we played more games, then we had naptime next thing I know my nanny was picking me up from school and took me for ice cream at Dairy Queen *Yummy*! We hung out for a few hours until my mommy got off work then she picked me up and asked me what I had done at school I told her and she asked me even more questions *like all parents do after the first day*  like what did I learn? Did I remember my teachers name? Did remember where my class was? And those types of questions I answered almost all of those correctly…I just couldn’t remember my teachers name but after a while I remembered it. So after a few weeks past we had our fall fest relay race where we was competing against all of the other Pre-K classes in games like the 3-legged race, the tri-cycle race, and of course my favorite the potato sack race..*That was the funniest one* I’m sure every child that participated in that section of the relay fell down around 4 times in all. But in the end we had fun we didn’t injure ourselves much just got really dirty *Who cares about being clean when you’re having fun and when mud is involved??*…I know as a child I didn’t really care about falling in mud as long as I was having fun!!! After that day I made even more friends even those that was not in my class. As the school year went on I began to like school because it gave me the chance to learn something and make new friends. Well of course the school year was coming to an end and at the end of the year they had this “Talent Show” where you get to show your parents what you learned at school the whole year. So, as all of the Pre-K classes sat there we all took turns getting up and say what we knew, whether it was poems, our alphabets, or even how to spell our name. It became my turn and at first I was like I am going to be the big girl and say all of my alphabets…IN ORDER…well that did not go as planned at all I got called on and I froze *I don’t know why I just did* but when I got home I said my alphabet to my family and I got all of them correct. That is my first childhood memory I remember by every detail.